


Selfishness

by inkedintoincognito



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-12
Updated: 2015-08-12
Packaged: 2018-04-14 07:09:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4555416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inkedintoincognito/pseuds/inkedintoincognito
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He's seventeen when it crushes him. She's seventeen when the hole inside of her opens.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Selfishness

She knew that he was going to do it. A few other people suspected- but she _knew_. He was her twin, after all. And, despite the levels of immaturity that she often expressed, despite the selfishness she continually displayed, despite the jokes and the sweaters and the pig, that _fucking pig_ … despite being the complete opposite of her brother in every form that one could differ from another, she knew.

She sat next to him, holding his hand. His breathing was shallow.

She didn’t know what to do. Shockingly.

She never knew what to do.

_I never know what to do._

“You always know what to do.”

She looked down at him, his eyes closed.

“Shouldn’t you be in shock?” she asked. Stupid question.

“Stupid question. I’m stronger-“ He cut off, coughing violently. She couldn’t tell what was wrong with him. Only that there was a lot of blood. And she suspected pills. There was an empty bottle in the corner, which, yesterday, had been full.

She thinks.

“I’m stronger than yo-you know,” he said. He stuttered. She couldn’t tell if he was stronger than she knew or if he was stronger than her. There were tears on his face. He was in pain.

She was sitting in her brother’s blood. His hand was warm because his blood was on the wrong side of it.

Her throat suddenly clenched. She had always been a crier.

“Dipper?”

She cursed that her voice cracked.

He grunted.

“What am I going to do without you?”

She cursed all those kids at school. All the family that made fun of him. All the  friends that let him down.

“Live.”

She cursed the chemicals in his brain and the sadness and the sleepiness and the hopelessness that he felt.

“Thrive.”

He was whispering now.

She cursed herself. She cursed spending all that time with Waddles and Candy and Pacifica and her parents and her grandma when she could have, should have, spent it with him. She squeezed his hand tighter.

“Mabel?”

_Please, call 911._

_I take it back._

_Do what you want to do._

“Thanks.” He coughed again.

_She walked into his room and knew what she would find because she could smell the copper and vomit from the hall_

“Anytime, bro-bro.”

She cursed herself for letting her words break with a sob.

She cursed herself for squeezing his hand too tightly.

_And she screamed and ran to him and fell in his blood and for one absurd second she thought about being born and then her knees slid into his vomit and this wasn’t birth, this was death, and he had the order wrong_

“Dipdot?”

He didn’t say anything. But his eyelids twitched.

“I love you.”

_And she screamed and screamed and grabbed his shoulders and screamed some more until her eyes focused and her ears stopped ringing and she heard him shushing her_

He mumbled something incoherent.

_And she screamed again and reached for her phone- should have done it first, should have done it first- but before she pressed talk she heard him mumbling ‘no,’ over and over and over_

“I love you, I love you, I love you.”

_And she went against every cell in her body and tuned out the screaming and she sat down next to him and held his hand and for once in her life, she imagined, didn’t do what she wanted before she did what her brother wanted_

“I love you, I love you, I love you-“

_I don’t want to watch you die._

 She shifted, her other hand dipping in red and she scotched forward so she could lie back next to him and curl around him, just like a big sister should.

“I love you, I love you.”

He was still breathing. He was still breathing.

“I’ll protect you, bro-bro.” She curled tighter around him.

And listened to his breathing

to his heartbeat

the sounds of his death

She waited for him to die.

She didn't noticed that he was gone for nearly four seconds.

But then she felt the hole inside of her open. The one that would never, ever close.

**Author's Note:**

> idk man working through some shit


End file.
